My name is Percy Jackson. I'm a modern-day demigod - the son of Poseidon. I've had some bad experiences in my time, but the heroes I'm going to tell you about were the original old-school hard-luck cases.

So get your flaming spear. Put on your lion-skin cape. Polish your shield and make sure you've got arrows in your quiver. We're going back about four thousand years to decapitate monsters, shoot a few gods in the butt, raid the Underworld and steal loot from evil people.

Then, for dessert, we'll die painful, tragic deaths.

Ready? Sweet. Let's do this.